Reality Check

There are numerous situations in our lives where we can chose to play the blame game. "My mother didn't hug me enough." "I didn't have a father to show me nothin'." "Life's hard,and on and on and on." But reality always surfaces in the mind of the sober and that person must realize that "he" or "she" has to make there own choices in what direction they are heading with there life. Being a man of many excuses some valid and others not, I understand that its easy to be defeated. I feel defeated all the time, lonely, depressed, dejected, unwanted and unloved. But I also know the truth. I am the captain of my feelings, although real to me stained with sin and not laced with the truth of God's word. Healing starts right now. Tomorrow is to far away and today is slowly fading, now is the time for change. I arrived at this conclusion from many thoughts that have been swimming around in my mind. Sunday morning at church we had the pastor's son speak and he did a tremendous job, and last Wednesday at Vintage Church I was convicted on being dedicated to your church family. However in each instance I couldn't help but see the faithfulness of God in the lives of both speakers. They both are dynamic speakers, both pk's and both next generation leaders. A foundation was laid that would cause both these individuals to see their potential early on, and a glimpse of what they could become because of the heritage that is presented before them. And then there is me, unsure what my father was like and afraid to be what my mother is like. I feel inadequate and fearful, because I never had a guideline laid before me of the man that I could become, or what did my father, grandfather and great-grandfather submit to. Do I have anything in common with my half brothers and sisters I don't know. Am I bound by the same mediocre life that brings wasted dreams and unlocked potential. Unfortunately , I don't know what my father believed. Obviously not taking care of me, but other than this tidbit I know nothing of him. My Lord and my God has lead me towards repentance and I pray for peace in my heart that I can find forgiveness in my heart. I honestly feel nothing and I don't know if that good or bad. God has been so good to me and I have a long way to go until I've learned how to obtain wisdom. He has allowed me to be influenced by a gambit of men, however none can have the impact or would have had the impact that a father would have. Proverbs 15:33 tells me that the fear of the Lord is instruction in wisdom and humility comes before honor. My reality check is that before salvation everything thing I thought was enmity towards God, and I have allowed some of the disdain of my father spill over into my new life in Christ, not knowing how to trust God and his infinite will. I must decrease, and he must increase. My life although sometimes tough, is but a vapor and my hope is built on my Savior, Jesus Christ. I pray that whatever state of humility God wants me to be at that he can allow me to get there soon.

In Jesus,
JTeverything